The body speaks the mind?

I haven’t been blogging again.  Not a big deal, since this isn’t a followed blog but just the exercise of making myself write is important.  The past month or so I’ve been having major headaches again, which I had previously associated with perimenopause.  I’ll feel a vague depression, then the pressure starts building in my head, and pretty soon I’m out of commission, unable to do much of anything but lay in the dark and quiet.  My meditation practice is on and off, partly because I never know which method is really the “best” to help my traumatized mind and body.  It sounds overly dramatic, self-centered, but sometimes I think that’s what happens to people who have experienced trauma.  Your mind and body get centered around self-preservation because you’re primed by thousands of years of evolution to respond that way to threats.  When the threat is additionally your source of survival (food, housing, clothing, etc.) it’s mind shattering trying to sort it all out.  There’s an endless circling that takes place as you go around and around events trying to make them make sense, as if knowing the reason “why” things happened the way they did will solve the dilemma, ease the pain, erase the doubts.  That’s not the way it works though.  The grooves in the brain are deep though, pathways of madness and agony that lead nowhere, only back to where you began.  As always, I would love to hear from others who are coping with issues similar or different.  Tips about what has worked and not worked for you.  I still believe in community even though I don’t pursue it.  Peace, to any and all who read this.

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~ by janetlandis on March 1, 2010.

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