I would love to hear from others who have experienced ongoing trauma, how have you learned to make peace?  Not just with the traumatizer, but with yourself?  There is a myth, a family story, that you never refuse your mate regardless of the circumstances.  When you live with someone who is prone to verbal abuse, flirts with physical abuse, and basically acts like a dictator (not my husband, my Father who made up for his short-comings with so many beautiful acts of love) how do you handle it when you go through a situation with a completely different person who none the less causes flashbacks to your original trauma?  I suppose that’s what therapy is for.  It feels like sleeping with the enemy when you haven’t  resolved the issue and you have a rare opportunity for intimacy.  I don’t know how my Mom did it.

My sister gave me a wonderful book that I must recommend to anyone who might read my blog(s).  The last post may have seemed like one big whine, and indeed, I’m not sure my adult self was the one blogging.  Most people lose their tempers from time to time, it’s unfortunate that loud exclamations accompanied by profanity trigger me back to traumas from childhood.  (As a disclaimer, it is important to acknowledge that I’m extremely sensitive, and my husband apologized profusely for his shout of frustration, as well as explaining that it wasn’t directed at me, but rather at having three dogs who track mud everywhere if not cleaned immediately upon entering the house.)  Back to the book recommendation, it’s title is: Wellness Recovery Action Plan and the author is Mary Ellen Copeland.( www.mentalhealthrecovery.com)  This book is helpful to anyone who struggles with triggers, would like to have crisis planning in place, and many more topics.  It is a toolbox for anyone with PTSD, or many other issues.  It’s not easy to confront these issues, but I know there is something on the other side of it that is worth fighting for.  Your self, your happiness, and your connection to spirit whatever that means for you.  Feeling I unfairly painted my mate as a “bad” guy when he is anything but that, I’m looking for redemption I suppose, and resources that can help any of us who are  traumatized.  A program I would love to participate in, (but can’t afford) is the Tara program pioneered by Stephanie Mines.( http://www.tara-approach.org)  There are many recommendations you will find for this program and I highly encourage anyone interested in healing to check it out.  Still feeling lost and down on myself today, I want to offer resources for anyone reading this, and invite (as I did last night) responses to my posts.  How have you made peace with your demons?  If you don’t want to keep carrying the “load” of past baggage, let us know how you do it.  As more veterans come home with major PTSD issues, we certainly need the help.  Thanks, and Namaste‘.

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~ by janetlandis on January 29, 2012.

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